Many of us have been questioning why the toilet roll aisles were empty. The ‘C’ word virus doesn’t cause diarrhoea, so why were people buying toilet roll in bulk? Then we mused that perhaps those concerned about self-isolating would need it during that time. But we’d all need other things as well, so why toilet rolls specifically? Some of us laughed at this, myself too at some jokes, although not without empathy for those that are worried. I think we sometimes laugh because it makes us feel a little better to laugh at others and their fears, so we don’t have to look at our own. This is known as the shadow laugh, an attempt to self-soothe, rather than empathise and own our own fears. Then came the photo of the elderly lady in the supermarket and the empty aisle of toilet roll and who couldn’t help but feel for her?
Being a holistic therapist and having been on my own journey of awakening, I can see that this is that is happening right now, en masse. The virus is ‘only’ the trigger to what is already within people, their fear. It is the fear that has spread. It is the fear that is contagious. We know that when people are really frightened the bowels open and let go. Typically as people go into flight mode, this is a way of emptying and becoming ‘lighter’. The toilet roll and the seeming oddity of people latching onto this item and over-buying it, is a symbolic and representative reaction of their fear. Letting go of that fear, by noticing it can lighten the load.
The Illusion
‘Maya’ in Hinduism is the ‘illusion’. The greatest illusion of man is that we are in control. Our ego’s like to think that we can plan, fix, operate, destroy, create and so on, it makes us feel good to say that ‘we can’ and on many levels, so we can. But on others we can’t. We don’t like to think of ourselves being out of control, that is scary – it’s the unknown. A wise woman asked me once, ‘can you be ok with the unknown?’ In that, we have to let go of ‘knowing’, our safety our security (the base or root chakra) and surrender to something greater, whether that be the universe, God or whatever your beliefs may or may not be. But if we have no concept of something greater than our own selves, that whole illusion breaking down can cause us to go kaput.
I’m thinking of the loo roll that unravels across the floor, rolling away from us, whilst we are stuck on the toilet! That sense of ‘oh no!’, of having lost control of it, having to make a dash to recover it, it can be a messy business not being in control. However, we know that the toilet roll’s ‘roll’ is really of little consequence in the overall scheme of things, it’s a blip, over and done with quite quickly.
That split second of not being quite in control of that runaway loo roll, or the longer moments that we are now facing of the runaway virus, and ‘what might happen?’ can open us up to our powerlessness. The realisation that we are powerless, that we can’t always control external events. opens us door in our consciousness. That opening, that realisation brings fear that is suppressed, to the surface. It might be that for some of us we have a calming sense that this will blow over and all will be ok, it may be difficult for some, there will be losses. But for others, fear has reared it’s head and is staring right back, reminding us of the great illusion of humanity, that actually we are a very small part of this multiverse.
It’s times like this that can bring us to our metaphoric knees. Some of us may pray, some may adopt other behaviours to bring that illusion of control back to us (like buying toilet roll), some of us meditate, some of us bury our heads in the sand, and some are ok and stay in the moment. There’s many different ways of coping, as change sweeps in like the tidal wave of a flushing toilet!
Am I OK right now?
I was contemplating today how lucky some of us are to have never experienced war, tsunamis, earthquakes and so on. For many of us this current situation might be the most difficult thing we’ve encountered. For others, it may be triggering underlying repressed memories and fears of needs not being met in the past. That horrible feeling of being out of control, of being powerless, we may have worked hard to shield ourselves from or run away from or had to rebuild from. I relate to the latter and appreciate that it helps to stay in the present moment, by asking myself ‘am I ok right now?’. This can draw that wandering creative mind back from the future, where it can catastrophise and create many scenarios such as ‘isolation, no work, no money, no food, foraging for wild garlic etc etc’ which are the downward spiral. ‘Am I OK right now?’ can help us to centre and re-balance ourselves.
Allowing ourselves to sit and feel the feelings may also help. Meditating can bring forth that calmer part of ourselves and is what led me to meditation when anxiety kept rearing it’s beautiful head for me. Why do I say beautiful? Because it’s the silver lining that we find when we come through it. Change is hard, many don’t like it, and awakenings often give us that shove to do something different; to ‘take stock’ (or stock up). So with every empathy, it’s my belief that this is what is happening right now.
What is an awakening?
An awakening can occur when something external happens to us, that opens us up and ultimately raises our consciousness and awareness. It switches the light on, but often like a light going on when we have been in darkness for so long, we blink and it may be painful and take a while to adjust. Awakenings can be a painful dig in the ribs to pay attention to a process of transformation; perhaps for the growth of the soul. Breakdowns can be ‘breakthroughs’ and in that way can be transformational. It’s a breakdown of ‘the known’, into the unknown. The current reality, that we have previously felt safe in, cracks open and like a mirror reflects parts of us that have been hidden or unseen. The process of integrating and working with that new reality is the hard part. If we can accept the new reality and go with the flow, we create less suffering. When we cling on to what we have previously known and wish that it was still like that, we stay stuck in the past and can’t process what is happening. It builds up like a dam – you could say we become constipated!
The Silver Lining
My sense is that the virus in itself is not so much the problem, the fear is. Feeding that fear on social media, watching the news etc can exacerbate it. I got caught up in this myself the last few days, absorbing and sponging it until it effected me. I tuned into my intuition, ‘ride through it, it’ll be ok, tough, and not easy’ and listened to my partner’s voice of reason. These changes may also be giving us an opportunity to reassess and look at our lives differently, to do things differently. It’s already brought that to me and given me the shove to develop more of an online presence that has been on my to-do list for a good few years now. If you are feeling the fear right now, what can you do to self-care to soothe yourself, what might you draw out of this, what could be your silver lining? Take a breathe and know that difficult as it is and horrible as it may feel right now change can often be a blessing in disguise. Be compassionate and kind to yourself. Know that when we can surrender and roll with it (pun intended: humour may also help) life can then get easier. What is round the corner can often be better, than the life that we leave behind.