The ego is the part of the personality – the lower self – which seeks to divide and separate. Born out of lack, it is the part that wants to be ‘special’ and different’ from others in an attempt to keep people away or apart; to stop us from joining and being with others. It will compare, to divide and conquer; it will single out to give special attention and praise so that someone feels better’. The ego is fear; it feels insufficient or ‘not enough’, so it tries to overcompensate by convincing us that we are better than others in some way or other (setting us apart again). It causes us to look down on others and lie to ourselves. It is the dishonest part of us which fears the truth, because the truth would shatter it.
The ego often cannot bear to be loved, and will not allow love in or the person to receive love, because this means humility, humbleness and along with that dissolution of the ego (love dissolves fear). It fears obliteration, it fears non-existence, it thrives on importance; it thrives on being needed on being wanted’, on being powerful and in control. The ego often likes to think it’s amongst ‘the greats’, comparing itself to powerful or famous people in history or the present and will latch onto idols to mimic or be someone else. The ego plays at things, in adult life, a sense of pretending to be something but not quite believing it because the ego sits like a glossy veneer on top of a sense of true self worth. It likes to hide behind roles: ‘I’m this or I’m that’.
The ego is in denial of all this! It’s not big, nooo it’s small! It is actually small, but it doesn’t like that when you agree. You can’t win with the ego, because life is always a competition.
The ego is in denial of our emotions. It doesn’t want to let us go there because they speak the truth.
The ego doesn’t trust that what will be, will be; it gets caught up in frenzied doing’, ‘forcing’, ‘pushing’, ‘arguing’, ‘persuading’, ‘controlling’. The ego adds inverted commas’ to text, it likes putting things in bold so they will stand out, or italicises to makes it’s point, or EVEN SHOUTS! The ego likes to convince and brainwash you with its opinion so that you think the same, even though it wants to be different! It loves exclamation marks to make its impact!
The ego wants to rule the world and be omnipresent. ‘It’s my way or the highway’ and there’s only One Way. The ego thinks it’s arrived before its even set foot on the train. The destination is far more important than the journey, because the ego is far too impatient to wait and far too important to commit to spending time doing anything for nothing. The ego likes knowledge, but it doesn’t have time to experience that knowledge and put it to practical use, it’s far too busy for that.
And call it an ‘it’ – ‘it’ doesn’t like to be ignored, even though it likes to hide. The ego creates drama so that it might be noticed, but conversely can also shrink from positive attention, because it will not always allow itself to receive compliments because it does not feel deserving.
The ego dazzles – sparkling and shining as brightly as it can muster – to be the brightest!’ It blinds others with it’s brilliance in a bid to be noticed, to be seen, as it dances in the spotlight, ‘Look at me’. The ego loves to dress up with glitz and glamour, preferably expensive labelled stuff and it doesn’t like credit crunches! The ego wants money, control, power – then it will feel worth something.
The ego tells you to eat the chocolate cake. And don’t share it either. It’s selfish and greedy. It wants more and is never satisfied. It revels in complexity.
Ego likes to leave a mark and to make its mark on the world by impressing others. The ego is charming and gushing. It projects an enthusiastic amount of conditional love in an effort to ‘impress’ another with its own wonderful energy. Wow!’ is its favourite word and ‘love’ is another; it’s sooo nice. By giving a good impression (impressing it’s energy into) it can fill another with its essence and take control. Hook ’em in! Puff them up with pride too – ego can be catching, and it likes to be stroked too! It doesn’t like pegs, so if you don’t play the game or you’re too above yourself it’ll take you down a few pegs and then start on itself too, because it’s `so bad’.
The ego will say, ‘that’s not me’ – the Higher Self may say, ‘it could be, I’ll look at that and it’s ok if I am’
The ego inflates and embellishes to distort reality – incongruent positive thinking can allow the ego to run rife – aggrandising reality rather than allowing in this moment to let be what just is – and let whatever that is speak for itself. The ego calls its negativity ‘common sense’ and insists everyone sees things the same. The ego knows best. The ego is never wrong. The ego blocks and resists, it blames, makes excuses, angers, it mocks and scorns, criticises, belittles, patronises, strikes down, dis-empowers, verbally rapes and disallows emotions. It lacks the courage to just be. The ego is the stiff upper lip. The false self. The inauthentic. The incongruent. The hurting. The wounded. The ego talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and then talks some more. It is desperately trying to hear itself, but doesn’t listen.
The ego is lonely. Deep down it longs to belong, to integrate with the Higher Self and join intimately with other people, but it doesn’t always know how to soften and let down the walls of pride, by allowing, letting in and receiving. The ego has a big stick – run away, run away from the big stick! It’ll beat itself up with it, if it stays around too long.
The Higher Self
The Higher Self says its ok, it is as it is – put the stick away. The Higher Self says it’s ok, we all have ego issues and it’s about being aware of them. The Higher Self would also prefer you to put down the wine, the beer, the cigarettes, the chocolate cake or whatever else it is that you’re using to dampen down its voice. Loving without being smothering, the Higher Self is accepting of things, it acknowledges free will.
It notices the beauty – but it doesn’t need others to notice it, it can appreciate things by itself – or with others. As it comes; the HS goes with the flow. It observes without being drawn into the drama. It notices and discerns without judging. The Higher Self says thank you, yes please, wait patiently; timing is everything or let us take that leap of faith. The Higher Self has faith and trusts. It doesn’t mind being abbreviated to HS, it has a steady, stable sense of inner confidence and self-worth to be centred within itself; it presents itself neatly, with self-care but no need for extravagance. It enjoys simplicity.
The HS doesn’t need inverted commas or italics to state its case; it assumes on some level you know and if you don’t that’s fine, if you need to at some point, you’ll re-read. The Higher Self may say that you do not need to know right now and that’s fine too; each to their own.
The HS acknowledges its inner beauty, value and self-worth. It knows that we all matter, yet it is able to calmly and lovingly say no, because it knows that this is sometimes as kind an answer as yes and that yes can sometimes be as crippling and disabling an answer as no. The Higher Self may spiritually know no boundaries, but physically acknowledges its degree of self-worth in order to dis-allow violation from another.
The HS knows that humanity has it’s limits, it isn’t perfect, none of us are, so it does not have unrealistically high expectations of others: it is grateful for who they are and what they do in that moment, knowing that we are all doing the best we can in any given moment in time. The HS knows there are no mistakes, just learning curves when we take responsibility for Self.
The HS knows that we are all separate individual and maintains respect of those differences because paradoxically it knows that we are also as One. The HS allows, it receives love, it knows that just to be is enough. It is patient, kind, considerate of self and others.
The Higher Self shines quietly; it does not hide its light, it is there if people choose to look. The HS acknowledges free will and empowers others to make choices that are right for them. The Higher Self is quiet, calm and consistent. It doesn’t need to say much.
The Higher Self advises against eating the chocolate cake but will not abandon you and will carry on loving you, whether you do – or you don’t: it gives us choice.